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You’re listening to Master Coach Mindset™ with Rhonda Britten, episode number two, brought to you by the Fearless Living Institute™.
Hello and welcome to Master Coach Mindset™. I’m your host, Master Coach, Rhonda Britten, and this is a podcast that’s going to give you the tips, and tools, and skills to increase your confidence, impact and influence, turning you from a great coach, a good coach to a great coach, to a great coach to a Master Coach. That’s why I’m here because I am absolutely devoted and I mean devoted to coaching because I’m a freak about coaching.
One of the things that I’ve noticed throughout our time together, as I’ve been a coach over the last 20 plus years, 22, 23 years of coaching is that coaching has been watered down. It’s been polluted by anybody just calling themselves a coach. In the Master Coach Mindset™, I’m hoping that we together start increasing our understanding and our commitment to what coaching truly is and to be the best coach we can be. I know you’re already doing that. I know that to be true. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be listening to me right now.
Today’s episode is part two of a 13-part series based on my Master Coach Manifesto™. Now, in episode zero, I actually went through all 13-parts of the Manifesto. In episode one, I went through part one and today we’re going to be going through part two of the Master Coach Manifesto™. If you go over to MasterCoachMindset.com, you can actually download the Manifesto yourself and you can put it on your wall. You can keep it in your wallet. You can put it on your phone. Whenever you doubt or wonder what kind of coach you want to be or doubt if you can be a coach … Doubt is just a function of being human, right? It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a wrong thing. It’s not an evil thing. It’s just what is, right? We can mitigate it of course through confidence building, et cetera, et cetera. But, doubt in and of itself is part of us. Whenever you’re doubting the coach that you are, just go ahead and read the Master Coach Manifesto™ to yourself out loud in the mirror, eye ball to eyeball. That’s always helpful.
Again, today we’re going to talk about part two of the Master Coach Manifesto™, which is: “A Master Coach doesn’t judge time or results but uses a different set of criteria to determine success.” I’m going to read that again because just as I said in episode one and I’ll probably be saying in many episodes to follow that it isn’t about knowing it intellectually, it’s about living it. This might make sense to you like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Rhonda. I know. Yeah. U-huh. Yup. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yup. Don’t use results. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Don’t use time to judge. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Got it. Totally understand. I get it.” But, what I’m asking you is do you actually live this, not only in your own life, but when you’re working with a client?
I’m going to read it again and if you’re able, go ahead and shut your eyes so you can really ask yourself: Do I live this? Do I really believe this? Not intellectually, right? We’re going to get from intellect to embodiment. Intellect to embodiment. I know you’re already smart, right? We already know you’re smart. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be listening to this, right? This makes you smart because you want to know more about Master Coaching so automatically I know that you’re smart. Go ahead and shut your eyes unless you’re driving. Then don’t do it. “A Master Coach doesn’t judge time or results but uses a different set of criteria to determine success.”
Let’s start off today’s episode with the definition of success and I’m going to give you my definition of success because everyone must come up with their own individual definition and it is beyond your dream happening, your goal setting or, even almost on some level I dare say, living your values, right? Because those values, which we’ll get into another episode, values can actually be used in service to fear or freedom. I definitely want to hit that point to help you see how fear can actually use our best values. But, again, that’s for another episode down the line.
A Master Coach doesn’t judge time or results but uses a different set of criteria to determine success. What is my definition of success? I’m going to give you mine. It may not be yours. But, my definition of success for the last 22 plus years has been full self-expression. That is to me how I know I’m living in my true nature. That I am embodied in my Essential Nature that I am living and being true to myself, right? Full self-expression.
What does that mean and how does that relate to being a coach? Well, think about it. I can be doing one-on-one coaching. I can be doing group coaching. I can be a speaker. I can write books. I can be on TV. I can have a podcast. I can have a radio show which by the way all those things I’ve done. Right? All of those things are just new forms of expression about what really matters to me which is helping people and myself, supporting people in being fearless.
Now, just to take a side note, as we begin our journey together in the Master Coach Mindset™, I want to remind you every now and then about what fearless really means. Fearless isn’t about jumping out of the plane. Fearless isn’t about never having fear. Fearless is actually a willingness to jump into your own life, being willing to know that we have this neurobiology that includes our amygdala, our hippocampus, et cetera, lovely neuroscience that says, “Well, fear is part and parcel of who we are.” You’re never going to get rid of fear. You’re never going to get rid of fear. Let me say it again. You’re never going to get rid of fear. Right? Can you master it? Yes. Can you understand it? Yes. Can you rise above it? Yes. All those things are yes. But, if you ever see an advertisement, or a course, or a book that says, “Get rid of fear for good. Just get rid of fear for good.” The next question I want you to ask them is: When is the lobotomy scheduled? Because you’d have to have your amygdala taken out, your hippocampus in order to get rid of fear.
Fear is part and parcel of our neurobiology. There is no getting rid of it. There is transcending it. There is mastering it. There is becoming friends with it and those are all different levels of comfort with fear, understanding fear and knowing how that works.
Let’s go back to success, right? My definition of full self-expression is that it always allows me to continue the journey of self-exploration and reaching beyond what is known. I’m going to say that again. Full self-expression gives me permission to keep moving forward to discover who I really am in all different types of situations. It’s not about whether I did it well. That is not part of my definition. I don’t care if I did it well or not. All I care about is did I do it? Am I moving forward? That’s another phrase you’re going to hear a lot in Fearless Living® is moving forward, moving forward, moving forward.
In the last 22 plus years that I’ve been coaching, I have never focused on results with my clients, even though they get them. Of course, they get results. More importantly, it is about moving forward. Like I said, my definition of success does not include how well I do something, how perfect I do it. Do I do it when I’m triggered? Do I do it when I’m not? How all the judgments that we have about our actions, all the judgments we have about moving forward.
I’m going to step back a minute. When we are moving forward in our life and we have judgments based on time or results, what we think should happen based on what we do, say, or plan, or think, that by the way is the definition of expectations in the world of Fearless Living®, when you think what should happen based on what you say, think, do or plan, right? We all want that to happen, right? I’m thinking about it. I want to make it happen. I’m doing it. I want to make it happen. I’m saying it. I want to make it happen. I get it. Planning for it. I want to make it happen.
But, if making it happen is the end all, be all and that’s what defines you as a human being, then you’re never actually going to become able to embrace a whole new level of success. Now, if you’re a spiritual being, if you practice your spirituality in any sort of way whether it’s God, or source, or Buddha, or whatever you believe, and knowing that you know this on some intellectual basis. But, I’m asking you everyday on a daily basis, how do you, first of all, as the coach, and then how do you support your client to actually live their definition of success?
At the end of the day, I never judge whether I got something, and how well I did, and how perfect it was. That does not support me growing as a human being. That does not support my heart expanding. That does not support the embodiment of heart, mind, body and spirit. It doesn’t help me. Again, nice. Don’t get me wrong. Results are awesome. It doesn’t mean I don’t want results. But, results in and of themselves are not motivating or inspiring to my soul. I’m not interested. My soul wants a different definition of success.
The first thing that I ask you to do for yourself and then of course with your client is what’s their definition of success? And, if success is a thing achieved, then I ask you to ask them to go a little deeper. If at the end of the day, if at the end of their life they had to “judge,” “decide” if their life had meaning for them, if it was significant to them, not to others … Notice I’m not saying to others. I’m saying to themselves. Right? We’ll talk about meaning to others in a little bit. But, meaning and significance to them. Do they live a life that’s truly theirs? It really gets to living your own definition of success.
There is a book written about the biggest five regrets that people have on their deathbeds. The biggest regrets, the five biggest regrets that people have on their deathbeds, and the number one regret after years of research, after years of a nurse asking this question over and over and over again and collecting the data is “I did not live the life that I was meant to live. I did not live true to me. I did not live MY life.”
As a Master Coach, your job is to continuously embrace living your life. Are you going to be perfect? Of course not. Are you going to do it every single day of every single minute? Of course not. And, are you moving forward? Not perfectly. Again, I don’t care how well you do something. That’s irrelevant to me. I just want to know are you taking a step?
Now, here’s another thing, success and “why don’t we judge by time” because time is … Everything I’ve ever done in my life on one hand happened in an instant and another way took forever. Right? I’ll give you a quick little example. When I was younger, in my 20s, I was a professional actress, and I would pray to God, and I would do my affirmations, and I would go to acting class, and I would devote hours and hours and hours and hours to being the best actress I could be. I would pray and say, “Dear God, give me a series. Dear God, give me a series. I just want a series. God, I want a series. Please, God. Give me a series.” I had lots of pilots for series, and I would remind myself that sometimes it takes five pilots to get a series. I would just keep going, right? I can do it, right? I can do it. Just keep going, Rhonda. Keep going, Rhonda.
Well, I quit acting before I ever got that series, and I had to let that dream die. When I realized that I no longer wanted to be an actress, that was a hard choice to make because I had told myself since I was little that that’s what I was meant to be, right? I was meant to be Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, I was meant to do that. I was meant to do that. When I kept waking up realizing that the more I acted, the less I liked it. I liked acting class but acting professionally, I was not interested.
I remember when I finally quit acting, what I said to myself is,”I am tired of playing other people. I want to just be myself. I don’t know who that is.” Because growing up 15 years old, 10 years old, especially after my parents died when I was 14, I acted, right? I acted as if everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t, when it was really not okay. I pretended it was though and I pretty much did that most of my life, right? Junior high, elementary, junior high, high school, college, et cetera. Playing other people or other parts was easy but being myself, not so easy. That’s why I ask you to really get clear what your definition of success is, what your definition of success is.
The story continues though because remember a Master Coach doesn’t judge time or results. Again, I was having some success, right? I was in some shows, some sitcoms and I had some commercials and so I was having these little hits, right? I was like, “So exciting.” Then I quit. Well, now, I fall into my true path which is life coaching. Of course I didn’t know that. There was no such thing as life coaching when I quit acting. There were no life coaches when I quit acting. There was nothing. There was no coaching and there was no social media. There was no YouTube. There was barely an internet. Just starting to come up.
I had no idea what that next place for me was. I had zero knowledge of what I was going to do with my life. I did mortgage brokering for a while and I did public relations for a while. I was waitressing still. I waitressed for 20 years, by the way, from the age of 14 to 34. Most of the time on, but sometimes off, most of the time I was waitressing in those 20 years. I always say I’ve learned everything I know from waitressing. Again, another episode.
I quit acting, don’t know what I’m going to do, don’t know who I am, et cetera, take on these odd jobs, start throwing darts in the air, just throwing. When I had my own public relations firm and I should say firm, it was me, it was me, one person, and I specialize in helping small businesses like one entrepreneur, solo entrepreneur operations getting PR because most times PR is anywhere between $3,000 – $5,000 a month. I did a specialty niche of about a $1,000 – $1,500 in order to get PR.
One of my clients was one of the first coaches ever and he would tell me over and over again, “Rhonda, you are going to be a better coach than me. Rhonda, you are going to be a better coach than me.” I’m like, “I’m never going to be a coach. My life is too screwed up. I’m too much of a mess. I can’t be a coach.” I based my life on results until this point and here is my result, right? I hadn’t achieved anything so when this guy Paul Roth kept saying to me, “Hey, Rhonda. You’re going to be a better coach than me. You’re going to be a better coach than me.” I will be like, “I can’t help anyone.” Again, I am too screwed up and I’d never achieved anything in my life. I’ve only achieved alcoholism and three suicide attempts. That’s pretty much it. I gave up acting and didn’t achieve my goal which was to have my own series.
The next part of the story I’m going to tell you at another time but let’s leapfrog to get to the results part and the timeframe part. Here I am a coach and I’m in London, England on my first book tour. I had an international book tour. I already had a book tour in about 38 cities and my first book. Back in 2000 when I sold my first book, I was actually the first person at Penguin Putnam, unknown at the time, that received six figures. I received a 600, excuse me, a $200,000 advance, six figures, $200,000 advance. I had a bidding war, 11 publishers bidding for my first book Fearless Living®. The publishers sent me on a book tour. I did about 20, 30 cities in America and then I was sent over to England, and Scotland, and Ireland.
Here I am in England on my book tour. The publicist over there says to me, “Rhonda, they’re casting a show called Life Doctor, and I was wondering if you’d like to audition. They’ve interviewed all the therapists and coaches on this side of the pond and on the other and they can’t find anyone. And, they’ve been casting for nine months and they can’t find anyone, and they’re about to stop the show because they can’t find anybody to take this role on, this life doctor to help people with their lives.” I said, “Sure. Why not? Why not? Heck, why not?” I go and audition for the very first life coaching television show in the world which was in England called Life Doctor, later changed to Help Me, Rhonda.
I auditioned. They gave me a screen test. They have this beautiful young girl wanting to date, wanting to find love. I coached her live on camera with the directors and producers all around and I’m just coaching, doing what I do. I could feel the entire room going like this, “Ah, what just happened. Oh, my god. This is what?” Three weeks later I was living in England. Three weeks, later I had my own series. This is the irony part. For almost a decade I prayed to God to be part of a series as an actress but now I had a series being myself. I didn’t have to play anyone else but be myself. There were no scripts back then. Sadly, a lot of life coaching shows now are scripted. But, back then, I had no script. It was just me coaching live every episode and the same thing with Starting Over that I did for three seasons, 500 plus episodes plus Celebrity Fit Club.
When I became the first life coach on TV in the world, it only once again validated there is no time, right? There is no time. You have no idea and your client has no idea when it’s going to happen. Again, don’t get me wrong. I get results but it may not happen when or how, and I believe at the core of my being that it’s always better than you can imagine even if you have to dip down before you dip up.
What’s your definition of success and what’s your client’s definition of success really? And, don’t accept, “Reaching my goal.” No, don’t accept that. As a Master Coach, your job is to find something that they can live inside of their definition of success for the rest of their life, the rest of their life. If your client comes to you with a goal, that’s nice but Master Coaches are always working beyond the goal. They’re always working beyond the current problem. They’re always looking for patterns that call for change. When our clients or ourselves want to make something happen in a certain timeframe, again, not that can’t happen, and not that you’re not going to give them steps and not that you’re not going to aim, but if that’s all you got, I guarantee you there will be disappointment because those are unrealistic expectations 99% of the time because they’re not based in what you are going to have to become, who you’re going to have to become in order to reach your goals because your client has a goal. I have a goal, “dream,” right?
I want to make something happen, an intention, a goal, whatever you want to call it, a desire. And that desire is birthing through me not for the desire in and of itself, not for the goal in and of itself, not for the intention in and of itself, but for me to become more of who I’m meant to be. The desire and the goal is here to help me expand and express who I really am for you and your unique being as a Master Coach and your clients. Those goals are “God-given” intuitively inspired when they’re really meant for you. That’s for your personal growth. That’s for your spiritual evolution. That’s for your greater expansion. Don’t get caught up in the goal. See beyond it and aim there. Go there. Be there. Right?
Master Coaches always coach beyond time frames. They coach something deeper where that true awakening is. Goals are nice. Dreams are inspiring. Absolutely. I want you to have them. I want you to be inspired and motivated. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Do I want you to have a goal to make six figures? Of course I do. But don’t get lost and don’t get attached to those six figures more than being true to yourself, more than expressing as you, more stay awake. Help your clients stay awake. Help your clients stay awake. Help stay awake. Right?
Let me just briefly answer a question because we’re running out of time. Your coaching tip today before I get to the question, your coaching tip of the day is this. Define success for yourself. Of course, in our Fearbuster Exercise™ worksheet, I’m going to give you a series of questions to help you to dig deep to find out what that really is so that you can get to the heart of what really your definition is. Please don’t use the old definition that you’ve always used forever and ever. Again, unless it works for you, unless it’s truly embodied, unless it really sparks your inspiration and support you and growing and being more than who you are. Again, we’re always attempting to be more, not that we’re not content. See, more and content can live simultaneously. We want to express ourselves more and be content with what is and express ourselves more. Those things are not opposites. Those things live together. Right?
Question, just a quick question. If a potential client comes to you with several goals, where do we start to be most effective with them to achieve their goals? Clarity and self-trust, this woman adds. If a potential client comes to me with several goals, where do we start to be most effective to them? Excuse me. I’m going to read this again. If a potential client comes to me with several goals, where do we start with them to be most effective to achieve their goals? Clarity and self-trust.
I always listen to my client’s goals and I take them very seriously. We’re going to talk in future episodes about working on two tracks because I’m always working on two tracks. The track of the reason they came which is that goal, that dream, that problem they want to solve, that dream they want to attain, whatever they tell me, whatever they believe their problem is, that’s one track but there’s a whole other track we’re working on which is part of that success, that definition of success which we’re going to get into in a future episode. I have a whole piece on that in the Master Coach Mindset™.
On one hand you’re going to help them with their goal and their dream and make it happen, but you’re always going to be anchoring them into the truth of who they really are. To be most effective, don’t get caught up in the to-dos. Again, not that they’re not important with accountability, personal responsibility, honesty, et cetera, et cetera. But, there’s something more.
In a future episode, I’m going to be talking about the two tracks that’s going to really answer this question at a deeper place. But, right now, what I want you to do is know that that goal may be coming from fear or freedom with your client, from your client. Is that goal thinking that, “Oh, I need to make $100,000 to solve my family problems or to make myself feel better as a person, or to make my mother love me.” Right? If you’re going for a goal to erase a burden, erase a blame, erase a shame, I guarantee you it’s not going to turn out the way you’d like. We want to be reaching forward towards what we want, not trying to push away from what we don’t. We want to move towards what we want, not push away from what we don’t.
Your opportunity today is to … I’ve got so many questions here. Hold one second. This is where I want you to go right now is to MasterCoachMindset.com. Go to MasterCoachMindset.com to download the worksheet for our Fearbuster Exercise™ to help you embody a different definition of success for yourself as well as additional questions to help you embody the topic we’re talking about today along with the transcript of this podcast. Go to MasterCoachMindset.com to download the worksheet for today’s Fearbuster Exercise™ along with the transcript. Get on over to MasterCoachMindset.com.
Remember, this is episode two of a 13-part series. Episode three is going to be talking about the third part of the Master Coach Manifesto™ which is the following: “A Master Coach never blames or shames their client or gives them sympathy or pity but supports them unconditionally.” Let’s read that again. A Master Coach never blames or shames their client, which I know you’re saying right now, “Of course, I would never, Rhonda.” But, when you judge, when you really rise, when you want them to be different, when you want them to push and hurry and what’s taking them so long? When you call them difficult or resistant … Then you’re kind of blaming and shaming but again we’ll talk about that in episode three.
Or, gives them sympathy or pity … Oh, that’s a good one. I had one of my program candidates in my Life Coach Certification Program™ actually working on this sympathy thing. She was like, “Why can’t I have sympathy?” I’m going to break that down in episode three and what to give your client instead. Then of course it goes on to say, “But supports them unconditionally.” We’re going to talk about what does unconditional support mean. That does not mean that you are available to them 24/7. That’s not unconditional support. We’re going to talking about that, number three, the third phrase, in the Master Coach Manifesto™ that, by the way, you can download at MasterCoachMindset.com. Get on over to MasterCoachMindset.com. Download the Master Coach Manifesto™ as well as the Fearbuster Exercise™ today and the transcript. I look forward to seeing you in episode three. Always be fearless.
Are you serious about becoming a Master Coach? Do you want to learn the eight coaching skills that I teach my own certified Fearless Living®™ coaches? Until now these eight coaching skills are reserved for students in my Life Coach Certification Program™. But, now, I’m going to teach them to you. Join me at my three-day live event Fearless Conversations Workshop for Coaches Only. If you’re ready to get serious about becoming a seven-figure Master Coach, go to MasterCoachMindset.com to learn more and be sure to save your seat today. Seating is limited so grab your seat at MasterCoachMindset.com.
This has been an episode of Master Coach Mindset™ brought to you by the Fearless Living Institute™. If you know someone who could benefit from today’s episode, please share it with them. I know they’ll be grateful. Until next time. Be fearless.