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Hi. Rhonda Britten and welcome to today’s episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Because you are here I know that you are want to be a more masterful coach because here at Master Coach Mindset that is what we’re devoted to. To support you in knowing and living more with your clients the art of coaching in order to increase your impact, your influence and yes, your income.
I don’t know about you but one of the core things that so many coaches deal with is confidence. Even though we’ve done our training, even though we’ve been working at it, maybe even though we’ve had clients, we still have the crisis of confidence. That’s why I created the Master Coach Manifesto so that we can remind ourselves what matters most. If you have not heard the Master Coach Manifesto please go to episode zero right now and listen to the Master Coach Manifesto or go to MasterCoachMindset.com and download it now. Because right now is episode eight and we’re in the middle of a thirteen-part series of me going line by line of the thirteen lines of the Master Coach Manifesto.
Today episode eight is line eight. What is line eight of the Master Coach Manifesto? Listen up. “A Master Coach treats their client as if they are wholeheartedly doing their best, not theoretically but in reality.” I’m going to read that again. Simple but I know hard to do. All right.
A Master Coach treats their client as if they are wholeheartedly doing their best, not theoretically but in reality. In today’s episode what does that mean? What do you mean? I know you’re probably like rolling your eyes and going, “Well, yeah Rhonda. Of course I’m going to treat my client like they’re doing their best, duh. I mean, I know that everybody’s always doing the best they can. I know that. That’s one of the foundations of support, self-help. You know, spirituality. Everyone’s doing the best they can.”
It’s so interesting because I just got off the phone with a client and we just had this conversation. I’m going to take a side train over here and then I’m going to come back. Okay? I’m going to the side and then I’ll come back. Side, going back.
Yes do I know that you are treating your clients like they’re doing their best? Of course you are. Because you’re not attempting to shame them, blame them, put them down. But every time you get frustrated with them, every time you ask yourself why aren’t they doing it, every time you judge their progress, every time you want to label them a resistant client, every time that you want to call them a bad client you are actually not believing that they are wholeheartedly doing their best. You are actually judging your client’s progress. You are actually judging whether they are giving it all or not. You’re actually believing that they’re not. That they’re not giving it to you, that they’re not doing it for their best, that they are holding themselves back.
Any time that you think your client is resistant, any time that you get frustrated. Like “Why aren’t they doing it? I’ve told them exactly what to do and they’re just not able to do it.” If you think they’re not able to do it, if you think they’re not willing to do it, if they’re paying you money and showing up for the calls they’re willing. They just don’t know how.
Your job and why we, at the Fearless Living Institute in the Life Coach Certification Program, focus on the “Art of Coaching”, not just a list of questions but the “Art of Coaching” because the “Art of Coaching” is moving a client from their willingness to I want this, I want to make it happen, I want to do it or I want to get rid of this.
I want to solve the problem. I want that. To actually being able to manifest it and or own it and or claim it and or accept it or accept that it’s not happening fully and completely and every step of the way they’re doing the best they can. Right?
Because here at the Fearless Living Institute we fundamentally believe that people are driven by fear. When they’re not doing the thing that they say they want to do, when they are misaligned, when they are out of alignment. When their head, heart, body and spirit, when their head, heart, body and soul are not aligned it is because fear is getting in there somewhere tricking them. I get that we know. Right? Oh I know I should treat my client as if they’re doing the best. I mean like good job. You did it. Right?
Again another thing in Fearless Living…no fake cheerleading. No fake cheerleading. No fake cheerleading. No fake cheerleading. Because the minute you fake cheerlead and say good job, when you don’t really mean it or there’s no anchoring to that good job when you’re not owning it … My cat is coming over because my cat is like clearly wants hey mom, what you doing over there? My cat is wholeheartedly doing her best. Hi this is my cat, Jezebel. She’s like aw mom. Yes I do, I call myself mom. Sorry. I have no children. Two stepchildren but no children of my own at home so there you go.
00:07:50 When we do not treat our clients and actually believe … Because we can say the right words as a coach, we know we’re supposed to be a good job. But when you fake cheerleader you lose all credibility. You lose credibility as a Coach and they can’t trust you because you’re not telling it to them truthfully. No fake coaching. No fake coaching. No fake coaching.
You know we started off Master Coach Manifesto with doing your internal work and this is where it comes into play. Because if you’re not doing your internal work you will actually get frustrated with your clients or wonder why they’re not doing it. You will actually label them resistant. You’ll actually label them what’s going on? You’ll actually label them something. The minute you label them you do not believe they’re doing the best they can. Really.
00:08:30 I can’t tell you how important our job is as coaches. I know some of you that are listening today are not necessarily professional coaches but you’re human resources directors or managers or supervisors or maybe even parents. I know that again technically you know to support and go “Yay.” But if you fundamentally can’t see that you are doing the best you can you’re going to have a very difficult time also believing it for your clients and your children. Especially if you know and have seen them doing better in the same arena before. You think they should be able to do that same level of expertise like you think you should be able to do that level of expertise all the time every day and that’s just not the way the world works and that’s just not us human beings how it works.
Your production, your mindset is impacted by how you sleep, how you eat, who you hang out with, what you read, if you walk. It’s impacted by so many things. So when your client is not able to do or “not willing” to do or not do what they say they want to do week after week you don’t label them bad or resistant. You don’t judge them. Instead you get real with them and you actually talk about it. Like what’s going on? What’s going on underneath? You don’t say, what’s going on underneath because they’ll be like, “Well, I don’t know.” All those questions are about what … They don’t know their unconscious. They don’t know their unconscious.
This is the thing that I had the conversation with the client about that now I’m finally going to the side note. This is something that trips us up as human beings all the time and it trips your clients up and it trips you up, it trips me up. I bet you’re like me and really good at understanding. I’m really good at understanding. I understand how people work. I have created a method to help people master fear. I understand how fear works. I understand what fear does to people. I understand the fear responses and self-destructive behaviors. I understand productive behaviors. I mean I really get how people process. It’s what I’ve studied for decades and what I’ve practiced for decades not only on my own life but on my clients.
I understand a lot. I read a lot. I get it a lot. I understand a lot. Your client understands. I understand I must drink that glass of water. I understand I must call five clients if I want more business. I understand. I understand the exercise. We mistake understanding for embodiment. We mistake understanding for integration. We mistake understanding for true knowingness.
When we understand something on an intellectual level we think we should be able to do it. My client understands they need to drink eight glasses of water a day or understands what sugar does to your body. If they understand when they don’t call clients back they’re not going to get more business, i.e. not going to triple their income. A client understands they’ve got to go more places to meet more people in order to find the love of their life. My client understands that.
They understand it and they don’t do it. What do they do? What do you do? What do I do, right? We beat ourselves up. We put ourselves down. We say, ”I know what to do, I can’t believe why aren’t I doing it? What is wrong with me? What’s my problem? God, I know what I’m supposed to do. Why can’t I just do it?”
The minute you engage in that conversation, the minute you engage in the conversation… why? I know what I’m supposed to do there is a disconnect between what they really want to do and where they are in human reality. I’m here, make $50,000 a year, I want to make 100,000 or 150,000, 200,000. Haven’t dated for 10 years, want to fall in love, get married. I know I have to date to get there. I know I have to go to network meeting and meet more clients. I know what I have to do intellectually. You’ve given me, i.e. coach, the structure, the system, the tools, the tips, the techniques. Then why doesn’t the client make it happen?
00:14:10 This is the heart of the “Art of Coaching,” right? The only way that your client is going to go from here to here with peace, with power, with empowerment is to know that they actually doing their best whether they’re making 40,000, 60,000, 22,000, 80,000. Whether they’re dating, not dating, flirting, not flirting. Wherever they are in the mix and mess of attempting to shift that they’re literally doing their best. Literally doing their best. Not like, you’re doing your best good job. But like really you are amazing. You flirted with somebody? What? You think you did it poorly? Well wait a minute, you did it right?
Because as a Master Coach, do I care how they did it at this point, how well they did it? Let’s put it that way. How well they did something? No I don’t care. Irrelevant. All I care about is did they do it? Oh yeah, but I said it all wrong. I don’t care. I say that to my clients. I don’t care. We’ll work on that skill later, right now let’s just focus on did you do it or did you not do it? I did it yeah. Well, you go.
Right now we’re focusing on did you do it or did you not. Did you do it? Yes or no? This is where closed questions come in.
00:15:00 When your client is going around and around and around and wants to belittle themselves, put them down, shame themselves, blame themselves. Or you’re kind of doing it secretly with your client going, what’s wrong with them? Why can’t they do it? You’re thinking of dumping them because they’re not moving forward fast enough or they’re resistant or they’re a bad client. What if there was no such thing as a resistant client and what if there’s no such thing as a bad client? What if you could never use those words again? Hmm? Yeah that’s what I trained my coaches. They’re not allowed to say their clients are resistant or bad. Because it immediately labels the client as the problem and then you actually don’t believe wholeheartedly that they’re doing the best they can. Right?
If my client wants to triple their income and they showed up for the call. Woo party down. If my client’s goal that week was five calls and they made one. Party down. If my client made that one call and didn’t even get to sale but just had a conversation and never even attempted to talk about their business and get a sale. Party down.
Because all I’m doing is looking for movement forward for them to break the “patterns,” break the mold, break the way they’ve done it in the past. I’m just looking for where they are courageously breaking their addiction to the amygdala running their life and making a choice, making a choice rather than being reactive. Making a choice.
Understanding a client, understanding an exercise, you as a coach understanding, is not enough to truly understand or truly believe wholeheartedly that your client is doing the best they can. See I believe in human reality and I believe in humanity and I have a saying that I say. I have a saying that I say. How do you quote yourself? Oh I’m going to quote myself here. “The more you embrace human reality the more divine your experience.” The more you embrace human reality the more divine your experience. The more grace, the more acceptance, the more letting go. Again, that’s a funny line right? Where do you push through versus let go? Where do you keep going versus accept where you are? Those are all these questions that your client must answer for themselves with our support. Again, that’s future episodes. Those are all big questions that we have to support our client in embracing, if that’s what they choose to do.
Now yes I believe my client is doing the best they can. Again, I know some of you are not professional coaches, I’m just thinking of parents right now. Managers, supervisors. It doesn’t mean we don’t ask for more, it doesn’t mean we don’t point them in the right direction, it doesn’t mean that we don’t nudge them out of the nest. Doesn’t mean we don’t demand more, i.e. ask, request. But we never shame, we never fake and we never blame. We never shame, we never judge, we never label. Like I said, the minute you call a client resistant the minute you call a client bad you have quit believing in that client.
Resistance is just part of the process of moving from fear to freedom. It’s just part of the process. If you make it bad or wrong then you are shaming the client. The question is we as coaches how much are you doing it to yourself? Your capacity to see your clients wholehearted goodness, their wholehearted effort is in direct proportion to how much you can give to yourself. I have a really important Fearbuster Coaching™ Exercise for you today.
It’s an exercise called Acknowledgements and it’s something that I teach all my students, all my private clients, at all my workshops and definitely my Life Coach Certification Program candidates absolutely must master this.
It seems easy and simple but it’s not. Because if you’re a perfectionist, if you’re into control, if you’re focused on I want to be better. Acknowledgements will kill you. They’ll be hard. Make sure you go over to MasterCoachMindset.com today and download the Acknowledgement Exercise because I’m going to take you through the process. I’m going to ask you to do it today. Okay. Got it?
I don’t know how to express the importance of this line of the Master Coach Manifesto and how it is the heart of everything that we do at Fearless Living.
I teach something called the eight coaching skills to my Life Coach Certification Program candidates and I – for the first time – am inviting other coaches to this workshop called the Fearless Conversation Workshop for Coaches Only where I teach the eight coaching skills. One of the key coaching skills that I teach is how to see your clients as innocent. This is at the heart of this line. To really believe wholeheartedly that your clients are doing the best they can. Not from an intellectual place, not from a rah-rah self-help place, not from like “yeah, everyone’s doing the best they can I know it.” But from a real true every cell in your body believes it. How do you really coach a client and see their innocence like really?
If this is something you want to master please join me at Fearless Conversations Workshop for Coaches Only. Make sure you go to MasterCoachMindset.com and you’ll be able to see the next one coming up, the live event where I teach it.
We’re going to be going over the eight coaching skills. If you like the Master Coach Manifesto, going through this 13 part series together, you are going to love the Fearless Coaching Workshop. You are going to love it. But seeing innocence and doing this line, believing your clients wholeheartedly are doing the best is masterwork. It’s really masterwork because again your capacity to do it for your clients is your capacity to do it for yourself. Again, it’s easier to do it for clients. Sometimes we do it better for our clients and then we get to apply it to ourselves, but we must apply it to ourselves. Yeah.
00:22:52 Question of the Day: How can I tell when a client is having a shift? Often they glaze over it themselves if the Coach doesn’t catch it. I’m going to read the question again. I love your questions, make sure you go to MasterCoachMindset.com and ask me your questions I love them.
Remember we’re in the middle of a 13 part series right now about the Master Coach Manifesto and we’re in episode eight. After these 13 episodes we’re going to start getting into tips, tools, techniques, your questions even more thoroughly so make sure you get your questions in so I can answer yours. I love answering coaches questions.
Again, let me read this one again. How can I tell when a client is having a shift? Often they glaze over it themselves if the Coach doesn’t catch it. Your job is to catch it. That’s your job. How do you know when a client is having a shift? In the Life Coach Certification Program we talk about a shift is going on when a client changes any of their breathing patterns, their vocal patterns, their speech patterns. They go lower and higher in their vocal range. They speak faster then slower. They get silent they take a breath. They don’t take a breath. They start crying. They laugh. There is some sort of for many people, not always. But for many people it is literally in their voice.
As coaches we have got to listen like nobody’s business. I wore my heart earrings today. Do you see my hearts? Because this line “to see our clients wholeheartedly at their best” takes heart so I wore my heart earrings today.
It is your job. It is your job. Because your client will absolutely glaze over because they’re going blah blah blah, not good enough, I did this but it’s not good enough. I did this but it’s not good enough. That’s what your client is going to do.
ROLE PLAY: Your job is to go…
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What’d you just say? I just said I did it. Okay wait a minute what’d you just say? Well yeah I went to the marketing meeting. You went to the marketing meeting? Yeah I did but I didn’t talk to anybody so. Okay wait a minute wait a minute, so you’re telling me you went to the marketing meeting? Yeah but I didn’t talk to anybody. I didn’t ask that. Did you or did you not go to the marketing meeting? Yes I did. Wow congratulations. Yeah but I didn’t talk to anybody. Irrelevant. Do you normally go to the marketing meeting? No I don’t.
You don’t normally go to the marketing meeting? No. You went this time? Yes. Is that a change? You don’t normally go and then you decided to go, is that a shift for you? Well yeah it is. What propelled you to go? Well because I wanted to blah blah blah. You wanted to blah blah blah so you went? On a scale of one to ten how difficult was that for you? How much of a shift was it for you? Whatever the word is that you would use depending on what you’ve worked with the client in the past? How challenging was it? Difficult/ how much courage did it take? Blah blah blah.
In the world of Fearless Living we call it stretch risk or die. Was it a stretch, was it a risk or was it a die? To go to the marketing meeting. Well it was a risk. Yeah you go. Yeah but I didn’t do a good job. I didn’t ask if you did a good job. All I care about is did you go or not. Is that movement forward? Well yeah. Is that movement forward, yes or no? Yes. You moved forward. Yeah but I didn’t …
Let’s stop right here. Because right now if you went to the marketing meeting what else could you do? Because you say you don’t normally go but you decided to go so wait a minute what could you do if you can do that what else could you do? Well maybe I could go online dating. Yeah maybe you could. What else? Well I could go every week to the marketing meeting. Yeah and then what would happen? Well I’d get more comfortable at it. Yeah and then what would happen? Well maybe I could meet a new marketing buddy. Yeah maybe you could. Then what could happen?
Well then maybe I’d feel more confident in marketing. Yeah. How important is it that you went to this marketing meeting? Well I guess it’s really important. I guess it’s really here. Yeah. I didn’t do a good job. That’s for next time. Right now let’s just focus on what you did do.
Here at Fearless Living, in the Life Coach Certification Program, we train our coaches to be able to isolate that one shift. Then you can expand it out into their life. They see the value of making that one shift. Even though what they did in that shift, I don’t realize or I didn’t do job. That’s later. We’re going to teach you later, how? If you want to learn how to speak up but you did it poorly. Did you speak up or not speak up?
Okay there’s did you or did you not and the how of it.
Those are two different things and we separate those, we don’t smush them up. In Fearless Living every action is separated. We slow it all down. One of the things that my coaches hear all the time is what I’ve been saying for over 22 years. “Slow is the new fast.” You gotta slow it down. Yes, I’ve been saying that or 20 plus years.
“Slow is the new fast” – Rhonda Britten.
Today’s episode is really important work. I invited you to do it. Masterclass and the Fearbuster Coaching™ Exercise for today. Nope. We all have to get better at this one. I look forward to seeing you at the next episode.