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Hi, Rhonda Britten here. Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode of Master Coach Mindset. It is such a great day because today I’m going to be talking about one of my favorite subjects, line seven of the Master Coach Manifesto. Now, if you remember, we are actually in the middle of a 13 part series where I go line by line through the Master Coach Manifesto. Now, if you’re not familiar with what the Master Coach Manifesto is, I encourage you to go over to episode zero right now and listen to me share the Master Coach Manifesto.
Or if you like to read instead and want a copy of your own, go to MasterCoachMindset.com, and you can actually download a copy of the Manifesto. Why am I talking about this Manifesto? Well, I want to remind you that today, and for the 13 episodes that we’re discussing the Manifesto, we’re really talking about our attitude, our mindset. The way in which we want to show up as coaches. These 13 lines, these 13 phrases to me are really the key for us to walk in fully and completely as Master Coaches. If we don’t live by these 13, then we got some major work to do, right? Today we’re going to talk about line seven.
Which, I have to say, is one of my favorite things. I’m going to go ahead and read that now. “A Master Coach works on two tracks.” I want you to really hear that, a Master Coach is always working on two tracks, all right? “The problem the client brings, and the real opportunity at hand.” I’m going to say that again. “A Master Coach works on two tracks at all times. The problem the client brings,” which is why they think they’re getting coaching, right?
Remember, clients come to us why? They’re coming to us to solve a problem in their life. Whether that’s a problem they want to do better in the future, or they want to eliminate their past, or they want to be happier in the present. There is some problem, whether it’s business, relationships, love, sex, money, right? They’re coming to us to solve a problem.
On one hand, are we there to help them solve their problem? Of course we are. Yes. But Master Coaches, we’re always working on two tracks. “The second is the real opportunity at hand.” What does that mean? The real opportunity at hand. Well I personally believe that problems exist for us to actually have a conversation, a story, a point of understanding in order to make us better people.
I don’t care if you come to me with the problem about sex, love, money, career, family, it doesn’t matter what “problem,” is. Because that problem is showing up because there’s something deeper at hand. There is a “why” behind that problem. There is something that is propelling that problem to occur.
Is it better communication skills? Is it you need more self esteem? Is it that you need to release your father? Is it that you need to forgive your mother? I mean there’s a reason a problem is showing up in your life. There’s a problem that challenge is showing up for our clients, right? There’s a reason.
Even though we’re here to solve the problem, help them achieve their dream, help them move forward. Again, whatever that is. We’re doing it. Yes, we’re doing it. We are making that happen, so let’s not forget that. We are totally making that happen. But as Master Coaches, we must understand and know that story, that problem, that issue, that challenge, that dream, is just a way, a vehicle for us to really work on the soul. Really work on the heart. Really work on the inside, okay?
Like I said, I don’t care what problem it is, I don’t care what story it is. I don’t care what issue it is, because I know my real work. My real work is to help an individual, a person in front of me. Whether that’s on the phone, or in person. Whether it’s at a workshop, or group coaching, or with a private client. I know my true job is to help them “live the life their soul intended®”. I’m here to help their soul unfold. This issue and problem is the vehicle in which I get to do it. It is where they’re saying, “Yes, you can help me here. Yes, you can support me here. Yes, you can coach me here. I don’t really want to talk about my soul.” Or, “I really don’t want to talk about this other problem, about my father. But yes, we can talk about this.”
Now, does this mean I’m going to drudge up the history of the past? Does this mean I’m going to drudge up all that? No, not necessarily. But I’m always knowing that achieving a solution for a problem, or making a dream happen without addressing the underlying soul work, that problem or issue is not going to be handled for a lifetime. It’s not going to be solved here and now, and be okay. They’re not going to have some resolution, or peace of mind about it. I might help them achieve their dream. I might help them get their goal. But there is something that is underneath that is unresolved. I, as a Master Coach, want to help them resolve those places inside their soul that are unresolved so they can have peace of mind. So that if they reach that goal they want, make that dream happen they want, or don’t. Okay? Hear that one.
They come to me, let’s say they want to triple their income, or let’s say they want to find love, and get married within a year. Both those things I coach.
Let’s say it doesn’t happen, and let’s say you’re coaching your tooshie off, right? You’re giving awesome coaching, and they’re moving forward, and they’re doing things. But it just doesn’t happen. They don’t triple their income this year, and they don’t get married this year. When you do the soul work, when you do the real opportunity at hand, it actually becomes irrelevant. Not only … I’m going to say not only for you as the Coach, but it becomes irrelevant for the client. It doesn’t mean that they don’t still want that dream, that they still don’t want that marriage in a year, or they still don’t want to triple their income. But they also get that tripling their income is just a symptom of something larger. That them wanting to be in relationship is just a symptom of something larger. Does that make sense?
All of a sudden somebody who wants to make something happen this year. Again, we want to use that momentum. We totally want to. I want you to hear me. It doesn’t mean we’re not going to be like, “Yay, let’s do it.” Right? Of course we are. Yes. But if we only blindly go towards that goal, right? Or try to make that dream happen without helping the client resolve what’s underneath. To help them become a larger human being. To expand their energy field, to expand their mindset, to expand their heart, to expand their capacity. That dream or that goal is only going to last so long. Or, they’re going to make it and it’s not going to give them the satisfaction they want. There’s going to be a, “Wah, wah, wah.” You know? There’s going to be a letdown. Either they don’t achieve it, or they achieve it and it doesn’t feel good. Somethings off, right?
Bottom line is, let’s just use the example of a client tripling their income. Is it more important that the client become confident in who they are as a human being, and develop a sense of self. Or, that they learn the techniques and tips to triple their income? Which one is going to get them further faster in the long run, and more importantly, which one’s going to give them peace of mind? Now again, I’m going to give them both. Yet for me, and I believe Master Coaches, is that yes we give them the tips, techniques, tools, et cetera, and coach them through it. Give them the strategies. But you can’t strategize your soul. You can’t do that. You can’t give tip, techniques, and tools to your soul in the way that you can for goal.
When you’re doing soul work, it’s about open hearted, and open minded, and patience, and expansion, and surrender, and grace, and release. If my client has more peace of mind. If my client has more peace of mind, and kind of misses the mark on the triple the income, they’re going to be happier. Than hitting triple the income, and not having peace of mind. Does that make sense?
You can’t say this. You can’t be a self help book. You can’t be a spiritual book. You cannot regurgitate lines. You cannot be a quote machine and think that’s going to get them to have the aha. Everything has to be personalized.
I want you to really hear what I’m saying. We’ve talked about this before. I know you know this, right? You’re going, “I know this Rhonda, yes, I know. I’m always doing the work underneath. Yes, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, but I’m not a therapist.” No you’re not, you’re not. We’re not doing therapy. I get that you know this. Again, I’m going to say the same thing I always say, is are you living it, and are you integrating it, and is it personalized? Are you going slow enough with your client, that if they don’t make a dime … This is a crazy thought, I know. If they don’t make additional dime for three months and now they’ve hired you to triple their income, okay? Let’s just talk about this. This is kind of a crazy example I’m about to give. Let’s say they come, I’m going to triple their income, remember? It’s been three months, and they haven’t made an additional dime. If they’re not thanking you, and happier, and not that they’ve forgotten their goal, because again, you’re still focused on the goal. But they are more solid in themselves, and that the goal of tripling their income is actually a secondary. Then you haven’t done your job.
See, that’s the beauty of true masterful coaching. Is not only are they going to triple their income? Yes. 99.9, yes. But many times people come to us with a dream, with a goal. “Here, I want to triple my income. Here, I want to find love. Here, I want to lose weight. Here, I want to have a better relationship with my family,” right? They’re real things, real burdens, real problems, real pains. But see, this is the moment, is if they didn’t reach that goal, if you took advantage of the opportunity at hand, the real work at hand, they almost would be, they would almost not care.
Again, not that they don’t want that, and I’m saying … I hope that you’re hearing. Yes, they can still have what they want. They can still want that. But if they don’t achieve it in the time frame allotted, or ever, are they good? Are they happy? Do they get it? Are they more at sense with … Are they more at peace with themselves? Are they more of who they are meant to be? Again, people are bringing us problems, issues, challenges, dreams because they’re trying to fix something, and they may be motivated and inspired by their intuition, which is awesome, right? You want to know the difference about that, but we’ll talk about that in a different episode. We’re going to talk about the difference in a future episode about the difference between a client coming to you with a dream that’s fueled by their intuition, and fueled by their true desires. Versus a problem that they’re trying to solve in order to be able to look at themselves in a mirror, right? We’ll talk about that in a different episode.
That’s the level of confidence, and connection to your client that is present here. That if your client hired you to achieve a goal, and they did it, they would still be, “I’m so glad I hired you.” Kind of crazy, right? But that’s really where we’re going. Then of course we’re going to give them the tips, tools, techniques, and coaching them through so they can achieve their goal. Does that make sense?
The Coaching Tip of Today. Just go ahead and shut your eyes right now. Yeah, let’s take a minute. I mean even this right now, can you take a minute? Can you take a minute? When you’re with a client, you have all the time in the world. When you’re coaching your client, it’s timeless. You have all the time in the world. If your client is like, “I gotta …” Then you gotta anchor them back in, right? To the real opportunity at hand. “But I gotta pay my bills, I gotta …” I know. Yes, anchor that down. You’re not going to get caught up in their urgency, their desperation. You’re not going to get caught up in thinking you’re the solution to their problem, and that’s the coaching tip of the day. You are not the answer to your client’s problem. You are not the solution to your client’s problem. Yeah, let’s talk about that, right?
You are not the answer to your client’s problem. You are not the solution to your clients problem. I know logically we know that, right? Because Coaches always say, “The client has all the answers within.” Right? I get it, yeah, we say that. “The client says …” Totally. But then if that’s true, then why do you feel bad about yourself if your client isn’t achieving their goal, and why do you beat yourself up after a session if you don’t think it went well, right? Just get that inside you.
You are not the answer, or the solution to your client’s problem. Your job is not to get caught up in their desperation, their impatience, their urgency. You are like a rock in the middle of the ocean. Standing firm, and the wind, and the rain, and the water can be rushing up against you, and you stand firm. Because you know the truth of why they’re here. You know the truth. They’re coming with a problem and an issue, but you know the truth. They’re attempting to be more true to themselves. They’re attempting to become more of who they’re meant to be. They want their soul to unfold.
In future episodes I’m going to be answering so many of your questions, and I cannot wait to do that. Go over to MastereMindset.com, and make sure to ask me your question. I love to answer your question, so make sure you get those in today. Feel free to ask me questions at any time. On Tuesday, on Friday, on Saturday night. Ask me your questions, because I keep a list of all the questions and I can’t wait to answer yours. MasterCoachMindset.com. Go on over there and download the Master Coach Manifesto, as well as ask me your questions.
Here’s the Question of the Day. “When you have a gut feeling that an event from a clients past is playing a role in their present that they don’t see, how do you suggest that option to them without it being a leading question?”
Well this is a really awesome question, because there are a couple parts to it that I want to address. I’m going to read the question again. “When you have a gut feeling that an event from a clients past is playing a role in their present that they don’t see, how do you suggest that option to them without it being a leading question?”
All right, so let’s just for a second stop and talk about what a leading question is. This is huge confusion in the coaching world. This is one of the number one things I see all the time. Coaches are afraid to ask like, “How much money do you make?” Because they think that’s a leading question. That’s not a leading question, you’re just trying to get information. You just need information. If you want to triple your income … If your client wants to triple their income, you need to know how much they make right now. That’s not nosy, that’s just information you need, right?
A leading question is if you don’t believe your client should get married, then you would ask them questions to get them to believe the same thing you do. That’s a leading question is, “Oh, well …” If you don’t want them to get married you go, “Well yeah, but are you sure you really want to get married? I mean, marriage is really tough. I mean, I’ve heard you talk a lot about how your parents marriage was really bad.” Right? You’re literally attempting to lead the client into like, “Oh, well maybe. Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t get married.”
There isn’t a pro and a con, a cost and a benefit, an empowerment and a dis-empowerment. It’s literally like you’re trying to get your client to agree with where you think they should go. That’s a leading question. A leading question is, I want my client to believe something, do something, act in some way. Not give them permission to make a choice, but to literally lead them by the hand to get them where I want them to go.
Back up for a minute. Do I want my client to be more open and loving? Yes I do. Do I give them choice to do that? Yes. Do I only ask questions about open and loving? No. Do I ask questions like cost benefit like I said, or pro and con, right? I’m going to do both because if a client doesn’t have full choice, then they actually aren’t empowered to make a choice that’s right for them. Sure, do I Rhonda Britten personally want my clients to be more free? I do Fearless Living, of course I do. I want my clients to be fearless. I want my clients to be free. I want my clients to be more open hearted, more loving, more themselves, more true. And for most clients, being true is really scary because they’re scared that their true person isn’t good enough, right?
Let’s go back to the question. A leading question, asking somebody a question about their past, or asking a question about … Okay, so if I just said, “Well, you’re talking about your boyfriend right now.” Or, let’s say on the money question. “You say you want to triple your income, but what’s your … Tell me what your history is with your family. I mean, how much money did your parents make?” I’m not saying, “Oh, you’re probably not making that money because it’s your legacy. If your parents, and your parents never made over $50,000, and you know psychologically you’re not able, and to emotionally get past that money market. If your parents made $50,000 you can’t make more than $50,000 because then you’d be better than your parents.” No, I’m not going to psychoanalyze them. I’m just going to say, “Hey, what is your money history? Tell me what it looked like in your family.”
Again, I want to read this question because I want you to hear the parts to it. “When you have a gut feeling that an event from a clients past is playing a role in their present that they don’t see.” That always is happening. The past is always subtly impacting your present. You’re in the present, your job is to use your frontal lobe, and not let your amygdala be in charge. Your amygdala is always making decisions based on the past, right? Because that’s the known. That’s the known. You must wake up and be aware in order to have the courage to live in the future, in the present, in the unknown. If a client is choosing … Like, “I want to triple my income, but I’ve only ever made $20,000 my whole life.” Or, “I want to make $100,000 but I’ve only ever made $50.” Of course the past is coming into play. Yes.
But do you have to psychoanalyze your client? No, we’re not therapists. You can have them look at it, you can do a money history, you can give them exercises, right? This is where coaching comes in. These are the coaching exercises, what I call, “Fearbuster Exercises™,” in Fearless Living. The Fearbuster Exercises are how we move them from awakening, from an insight, into an embodiment and alignment, and into action, right?
“Triple your income, here’s the strategy. Here’s a tool, here’s a strategy, go do that, and then you’re going to triple your income. Here, you want to lose weight? Drink some more water, and eat some more vegetables and you’re going to make your goal happen. Come on.”
Okay, that’s nice. But you and I both know that’s not how it works. Some of our clients do the suggestions, right? Do the prescription, right? Do the plan. But most are hitting up against their fears, and that’s why at Fearless Living we help people master their fears. When you understand how fear works inside of you, when you understand your will of fear, and will of freedom, you can actually move forward faster because it’s not tricking you anymore.
Is the past influencing, trickling in? Of course. And it’s not a leading question just to ask informational questions. Remember, a leading question is you want a particular response because you have an agenda. When you allow either/or, yes or no, pro and con, cost and benefit, divorce, marriage, abortion, no abortion, make the money, don’t make the money. If you … All things are possible, and all things are okay. All things are okay. Any answer is the, “Correct answer”, because it’s your clients answer. Then the client really has free choice, free will, and no shame, no blame, no guilt. Because when you have a leading question, you are blaming and shaming.
Remember, what’s today’s episode about? The problem the client brings, and the opportunity at hand. Two tracks, at all times when you’re a Master Coach. Two tracks. Two tracks. Remember, you are not the answer to your clients problem. Don’t make yourself co-dependent, don’t enmesh yourself, and don’t think you have to have all the answers. I know that we know we don’t have to, but sometimes we feel guilty or worried that we’re not being better coaches.
Go on over to MasterCoachMindset.com and download the Fearbuster Coaching tool for the day. Make sure you download that exercise. If you haven’t already done so, make sure you download the Fearbuster Coaching Toolkit. That’s my gift to you that includes the Master Coach Manifesto.
Remember, we’re on line seven. We have six more to go. I’ll see you in the next episode.