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00:00:44 Hi, Rhonda Britten here and welcome to today’s episode of Master Coach Mindset™. We are talking about principle four inside the Master Coach Manifesto™ and I am so excited to talk about this one, because this is literally the crux of how I coach, because I care about this. Let’s put it this way. I think this is the foundation of my coaching.
00:01:08 We all get our clients, they want results, right? We want to give them results, of course, that’s why they’re paying us. That’s why they’re hiring us. They want to solve a problem. They want to solve a challenge. They want to reach a goal, and they’re having problems on the way to their goal. They’re not sure how to get there, so they’re coming to us for a particular reason.
00:01:28 We want to honor that reason, so totally get that, but this phrase inside the Master Coach Manifesto™ is, like I said, one of my favorites because I do believe that when you have this mindset, when you really understand that you’re here as a Master Coach to your client, for your client, for more than just the result, then the coaching deepens, coaching awakens. The coaching does more than either of you ever thought possible.
00:01:58 Let me read that phrase number four from the Master Coach Manifesto™. “A Master Coach likes actions and accomplishments, but loves the process and always stands for grounded possibilities.” I’m going to read that again because I really want you to take that in, so if you’re in a place to shut your eyes and just listen, awesome. If you’re driving, don’t shut your eyes, but if you can shut your eyes, I’m going to read it again, and just take it in.
00:02:36 I know your automatic answer when I ask, “Do you do this?” might be yes. “Well, yes, of course I care about the process. Yes, of course. Of course. I know that.” But I really want you to think about it. Do you really live this phrase, this philosophy in your coaching as well as your life? Because if you do … Expectations, kind of wouldn’t have them. Beating yourself up? Not really around.
00:03:05 Let me read it again. Again, if you can shut your eyes, go ahead and do that and just really take it in, because again, I do not want you to listen to these from your intellect, right? I know you know this stuff. You’re smart, you’re a coach, I know. Where we’re going together in the Master Coach Mindset™ podcast is not to know something, but to live it, to embody it, to practice it. I know I’ll say things to you during the Master Coach Mindset™ podcast that you’re going to, again, intellectually know, but as always, I’m going to ask you to go to the next level and ask you, “Are you embodying it? Do you integrate it, not only in your own life but in your client’s life?”
00:03:55 Are your eyes shut? All right, let’s take a nice, deep breath together. Notice I didn’t go like this in the deep breath, right? No shoulders up. That’s not a deep breath. This is not a deep breath, okay? This is not a deep breath. Again, I know you know this, but just for review, this is not a deep breath. Shoulders up to the ears, not a deep breath. Deep breath is belly, extended belly. Shoulders stay the same. Shoulders don’t move up to your ears, shoulders stay down, and you’re breathing from your belly, from your chest. You’re breathing all the way in down to your belly, expanding out, and then breathing back up. Let’s do that one more time just to practice that deep breath.
00:05:14 Some people think of the exhale longer than the inhale, right? That’s where we want to get to if we’re doing our yoga breaths, our meditation breaths. We want to breathe in four, maybe, and exhale six to eight or longer, depending on your practice. But right now, we just want to practice breathing on a regular basis. It’s going to help us be a Master Coach that is for sure, especially when we have a client in front of us talking about our story that they’re having but is exactly like us. Do you ever attract clients that are having the same problems you are? Oh yes, welcome to coaching. Yes, your clients will have problems that you have. Yay! We’re always coaching ourselves, aren’t we? Just an aside.
00:06:00 Okay, deep breath. “A Master Coach likes actions and accomplishments.” Right? We get turned on by those things. ” … but loves the process and always stands for grounded possibilities.” Now, what the heck do I mean by that from a place of integration and embodiment? Well, again, our clients hire us for a result. They want to have something happen. They want to triple their income, they want to fall in love, they want to get married, they want to … Again, whatever type of coach … or lose weight, feel better about themselves, build their self-esteem, be able to speak up to their mate. Again, whatever reason, whatever problem they think they’re coming with us.
00:06:52 I’ve mentioned this before in previous episodes about how I care passionately about the process of being human. I have a fundamental belief that if I can support my client and myself in understanding how they work on a human level, that I help them understand their process and how they process … How they process feelings, how they process thoughts, how they actually act out and/or live their belief system. How they work, really, to increase their awareness, because you have to be aware to actually know how you work.
00:07:41 When you i.e. know how you work, then you have so much more empowerment. You have so much more choice. You don’t feel at the effect of luck. You don’t feel at the effect of external situations. You actually understand what you get triggered by. You actually have an awakening, an awareness of what inspires and motivates you. You actually understand why you said that rude thing to that person, because you get what happened beforehand and what gave you permission to say something that you wish you hadn’t said.
00:08:17 There is no more, “I don’t know why I did that,” because that is ultimately, for me personally … and I do believe that it’s one of the differentials between a coach and a Master Coach. A Master Coach gets that their ultimate gift to their client is more self-awareness so that your coaching to that client, that client can eventually coach themselves. Yeah, I know. We’re always coaching ourselves out of a job. That’s really where we are. We actually, as a Master Coach, want to coach ourselves out of a job, so to speak, because we want to awaken and alive-en and support our client in understanding how they work.
00:09:10 When my client misbehaves or doesn’t take action or feels stuck and they know how they work, their ability to recover, their ability to have resilience, their ability to bounce back, their ability to start over is quick and changes fast. There is no, “Why? Why? Why?” There is no, “Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.” There is no, “What’s my problem? What’s my problem?” and that’s why when I say, “Oh my gosh, accomplishments and results? Of course we want to give our clients accomplishments and results.”
00:09:50 If you’re a parent thinking of your child right now, of course you want your child to make your bed. Of course you want your child to get straight As. Of course you want your child to speak up. If you’re thinking about your coworker or your independent contractors or people that you work with, of course you want them to do their job better. Of course you want to make that happen. If you’ve got a client who wants to triple their income, of course you want your client to triple their income, but on the way to that goal…
00:10:16 I want you to think of it this way. The goal is just a handy tool to do the real work we’re doing. The goal, the dream is just a handy excuse to do our other work, the deeper work, the more awakened work, the more processed work. I don’t care what goal a client comes to me with, I don’t care what dream they come to me with.
00:10:41 Again, do I care about the dream? Yes. Do I care about the goal? Yes, but a client can come to me for any goal and any dream, because I know that on the way to that goal and that dream, that goal and that dream is just a vehicle for me to support that client in becoming who they are meant to be, who they were born to be, who on this world, in this world … Helping them find their rightful place to live the life … What we say in Fearless Living®, the life their soul intended. Why you’re here.
00:11:17 When I talk about grounded possibilities … Let’s talk about that for a minute, because remember, the phrase is “A Master Coach likes actions and accomplishments,” and again, we like that. ” … but loves the process.” Again, what do we do? The goals and the dreams are kind of our excuse, our tool, our vehicle to do the real work about process, because if I can support my client to understand how they work, then like I said, those accomplishments and dreams and goals and problems get solved a lot quicker, a whole lot faster, and they can integrate it into who they really are more deeply.
00:11:53 That’s the key. I don’t want to give a client a fish, right? I want to teach a client to fish. I don’t want to go, “Here’s the answer,” because that’s consulting. That’s not coaching, okay? The difference between consulting and coaching is consulting tells the answers, coaching elicits and supports the client to find the answer within. That’s our job. Not to tell, but to support. Not to tell, but to support.
00:12:23 If you find yourself telling, you’re actually not a coach, you’re actually a consultant, and you’re using the handy-dandy word coach because it’s cool and hip right now to be called a coach. People understand what it is. I’m grateful to be part of the beginning of this movement called coaching in order to support that coaching now is this thing that people understand and know and want. I love that and I’m honored to be a part of the beginning.
00:12:50 Let’s go to grounded possibilities. What does it mean to be grounded possibilities? You as the coach … You know when you’re looking down the road, you’re looking at a sign, and you have peripheral vision, right? You can see everything to the side and you know in your peripheral vision how far can you see to the side. That’s kind of like we do as a coach. The client is looking at the sign. “I want that thing. I want that money. I want that career. I want that man. I want that woman. I want that body. I want that.” That’s what they’re thinking.
00:13:22 You, on the other hand, because you see wider and more expansive then they can. Remember, they’re caught up in getting that goal and that dream because for the most part, whether they know it or not, they actually think that’s the solution to their problem, right? They think, “If I get that,” it’s a solution to their problem. We know that it is again skill building, tool acquiring, life enhancing, choice making, empowerment building, and the goal and the dream, again, are just vehicles.
00:13:58 We want to keep our peripheral vision open because we know that dream or the goal that they think they want may or may not be what they ultimately want, but their vision, their knowledge, their awareness only allows them to want that, because they don’t see to the right or to the left like we can. They don’t see up or down like we can, because they’re caught in their own problem, right?
00:14:26 They’re caught in their own dream. They’re caught inside themselves, just like we are. This is what we do in our own lives as coaches. We get caught in the same things and we go to a coach, a mentor, a support team member, a Fearbuster. They see it for us too, because again, what we’re doing for our clients, we need to have somebody do for us, because when we’re caught up in our own stuff, we can’t see it either.
00:14:51 When I talk about grounded possibilities, we understand that yes, we’re going to help our client aim for that goal, aim for that dream, get what they want, that problem solved, that dream fulfilled. Yes, but we also know that along the way in the journey, their goal might shift, right? It’s going to shift.
00:15:14 I’ve shared this story with you about becoming an actress, and I thought that was the only … I mean, I wanted that since I was young. I didn’t want anything else. The willingness, the thought of not being an actress when I was an actress felt like death. It felt like death, but because I had a wise coach at the time, I had a coach that saw for me grounded possibilities. She knew that acting, again, was just a vehicle. It wasn’t the end all, be all, but I had gotten caught, just like so many of our clients get caught, like we get caught, in thinking that acting was the solution to my problem. Acting was success. Acting was the dream.
00:16:08 I always say that everything that we’ve ever done, everything you’ve ever done, everything your client has ever done will be used for good, will be used someday. They will have needed that experience. I was a waitress for 20 years and you’ve heard me say that I’ve learned everything about coaching from waitressing. When I was waitressing, I learned how to read a table.
00:16:33 How do you think I know how to read clients? I know how to read a table. I knew when to be funny, I knew when to be somber, I knew when to be serious, I knew when to be professional, I knew when to be lighthearted, I knew when to flirt, right? I knew. I could read. I trusted my intuition. I practiced trusting my intuition, which made me usually the highest paid waitress in the house. My tips were double most everybody else, because I practiced reading tables. I practiced trusting myself.
00:17:00 When we have that grounded possibilities, like, “Okay, I want to be an actress.” Remember, that’s what the example I’m using right now, actress. If I think of grounded possibilities, I know that acting is just a vehicle. It’s not the end all, be all. How did acting come into my life? I gave up acting, quit. “Bye, see you.” Devastating two years, devastating. Devastated. Don’t know who I am. As I shared, what ended up happening? I ended up using all those skills and all those tools later on when I had my first television show, second and third television shows.
00:17:40 But I want to say something else. I don’t know if you’re spiritual or not, so I’m just going to throw it out. If you’re not spiritual, you can turn this part of the podcast off, and if you are, you might want to hear this story. I always imagined God going, “Let’s see. Rhonda is going to … I have a big job for her.” God has a big job for you too, by the way. God has a big job for Rhonda. “I got a big job for her and I need her to be able to speak in public. I need her to be comfortable in front of video. I need her to trust herself. I need her to embrace her humor” … because I never thought I was funny, ever. Never. I would argue with people, “I’m not funny.”
[00:18:31] “I need Rhonda to know all these things, so let’s see. I can’t tell her now at the age of 22, 24, 14 that, ‘Oh, by the way, you’re going to create a process to help people master emotional fear.'” You know, because I would have been like, “What? That’s crazy.” God doesn’t give you something before you’re on that step before jumping off the cliff, right? God thought to himself, “I need her to have some skills, but I can’t really tell her why, so … Hey, hey, hey. I know. I’ll use her fear, I’ll use her ego, I’ll use her desperation or neediness on her behalf, and have her decide to become an actress.”
00:19:15 I learned all the skills that I needed as an actress to be a public speaker, to do this video right now, but I wasn’t ready for my real job, i.e. helping people master their emotional fears. Emotional fears, i.e. fear rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, et cetera, et cetera. I was never ready for that, so when my coach, when I was acting and I started wondering if acting was for me, she was able to see the grounded possibilities. She was able to take the nuggets from acting. Nuggets, right? And start supporting me in seeing another way. Then I had a mentor, as I shared before, Paul Roth, who was a coach, and all those things kind of came together.
00:20:04 But I needed guidance to do that. I needed support to see that, because I was so caught up in the dream I thought I wanted that not having that dream felt like it was a death. Your clients are the same. They have one goal, one dream, one problem, whatever, and when you focus on process it expands the field, expands the field, and because you can see to the right and the left, up and the down, you, through this helping them understand their process … They have more permission to shift their goal. They have more permission to expand their dream. They have more permission to have a bigger dream, a different dream, a more aligned dream.
00:20:46 Now, I’m not saying that your clients are always going to change their dreams, and I’m also saying that you must be awake and aware to the possibilities. You must help them see all the goodness and get all the juice from every experience they have. It’s one of your jobs as a Master Coach. That’s what I mean by, “A Master Coach likes actions and accomplishments, but loves the process and always stands for grounded possibilities.” Your job is to see beyond what they see and through your questioning and eliciting and supporting, they start seeing it, and then anything’s possible. Anything.
00:21:33 Your tip of the day. I want you to really focus on paying attention to where you’re getting caught in results versus process. The Fearbuster Coaching™ Tool today, I’ll be creating a list of questions for you. There’ll be a list of questions for you to ask yourself the difference between process and results so that you can start understanding when you’re getting caught in results so much that you’re not keeping your client expanded, and what are some questions that you can keep your client awakened to the process, rather than just going from A to B?
00:22:17 In the Fearbuster Coaching™ Tool today, I’ll be having some questions to support you in knowing how you’re doing, and then of course some questions for you to support your clients. The tip today is, “All right. My job is to know that I’m going to help my client in their process more than getting their result.” I know that’s crazy thought, because you want to get that result, because you want to have value and you want to make a difference. I get it, but I promise you. I promise you that when you focus on process, the results will come quicker and they’ll be more. I promise you, okay? Got it?
00:23:03 All right, so let’s go to the question that I pulled out today. Here it is. The question: “What do you do, Rhonda, when a client comes to a session and says they have nothing to work on?” I love this one. This is my … Oh, I love this. When a client comes to me and says they have nothing to work on, I’m like, “Oh, yay.” Most coaches go like, “Oh my god, they’re done with me. They’re going to fire me. I’m all over. I’ve done everything I can.” No, no, no, no. This is where it really gets juicy. This is where it gets juicy.
00:23:54 Go over to MasterCoachMindset.com right now and get the answer, my answer to this question. Go over to MasterCoachMindset.com to get the answer to this question. I want to fully expand it for you and I want to make sure that you get it in your bones. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Master Coach Mindset™ podcast. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Remember, be fearless.