Listen to the full episode here.
Hi, welcome to Master Coach Mindset™ Podcast my name is Rhonda Britten, and I am so excited to be with you once again. And you know for the last 10 episodes – which this is episode 10 – the last 9 episodes we have been going over the Master Coach Manifesto. So if you’re new and have not heard the rest of the lines of the Master Coach Manifesto and want to hear the whole thing. You can actually go to episode 00 and hear the entire Master Coach Manifesto. Now, why am I going line by line through the Master Coach Manifesto?
Well, I think the Master Coach Manifesto is the foundation of being a Master Coach. These are some of the things that you must be, own, become in order to truly become the Coach you are meant to be. So I wrote this through … Well, I didn’t write it. It was inspired through me and I just happened to have a pen handy. And I think we forget. I know I did. You forget what the foundation of coaching is. We just want to help people. We just want to help. We just want to help. We want to be of service. We want to give which his all wonderful and nice. I want you to help. I want you to be of service. I want you to give.
But in order to help and support and give and serve. You must become a clear instrument. You must become the best Coach you can be. You must learn the tools that are necessary, the attitude, the mindset. That’s why this is called Master Coach Mindset. So you must decide not just to be of service and help again which is awesome and wonderful.
I want you to do that but you must also be willing as we’ve talked about in the last 9 episodes, you must be willing to face your own fears, hesitations, worries, concerns, uncomfortableness in order to be of greater service. To be of great support. To be that place that is a clear channel to be used by that thing that is bigger than us. Whether you call it God. Whether you call it intuition. Whether you call it spirit. Whether you call it universe. Whether you call it light or energy. Whatever you call it. But that thing that interconnects us all.
People ask me all the time like, “Rhonda, well, how do you know what I’m thinking?” Because everyone thinks I’m a psychic. I’m not a psychic. At least, I’m not certified. But what I am is a really good listener. And I’m also not afraid to ask the questions that must be asked and that brings us to the line 10 of the Master Coach Mindset. So again if you haven’t heard the Master Coach Manifesto in its entirety go to episode 00 and for the last 9 episodes, we’ve been taking it line by line so that you can go deeper inside what that line means.
It’s not just a cliché. It’s not just a quick little line. It actually has meaning and depth and I want you to go as far as you can in your own soul. Your own willingness to do what you need to do to be the best Coach you can be. So if you want more confidence, influence, impact? This is your job. This is your task at hand. So let’s go to line 10 of the Master Coach Manifesto. “A Master Coach isn’t afraid to ask how much money a client makes, when was the last time they had sex or any other relevant question. It’s not nosy. It’s coaching.”
Now, you might be thinking “Well duh.” I’ve got to tell you my experience through training Coaches and hearing Coaches coach is that most Coaches don’t ask the most important question on the table which is how much money you’re making if my client says they want to triple their income. If I don’t know how much money they make now. I actually can’t help them triple their income. That would be me making it up in my mind. So if they say to me “I want to triple my income.” Then I have to ask, “Well, how much money do you make now?”
For many Coaches especially if you are in the first year, two years, three years. You might feel like that’s nosy. But again, you’ve got to know.
So if the client says, “$50,000.”
You go “Okay, so triple your income. $50,000 tripling what would that be then?”
Now again, I didn’t answer that. I didn’t say 150,000 or 200,000 or 250. I didn’t say the answer they want. I asked them. They’re going to do the math. So notice. Who’s doing the math? Your client is doing the math.
So I’m going to repeat this line 10 of the Master Coach Manifesto. “A Master Coach isn’t afraid to ask how much money a client makes, when was the last time they had sex or any other relevant question. It is not nosy. It’s coaching.”
I just want to talk about nosy for a minute. Because so many Coaches because they’re natural helpers, natural supporters, natural cheerleaders. You love self-help that’s why you became a coach. Many people became a coach because they just love self-help. They’re in personal development. They want to grow. They want to change themselves and they think “Oh my gosh, I can get paid to do what I love?” And the answer is yes, yes you can get paid for what you love, which is growing and shifting and learning and changing and it doesn’t stop once you become a Coach. In fact, I’m asking you to dive deeper when you’re becoming a Coach.
Because now you’re saying my journey is going to help support other people’s journey. So I, the Coach, must be willing to go wherever that journey leads me. In fact, it’s not about thinking you’re the expert and you’re done. It really is about always keeping that beginner’s mind. Always keeping that beginners mind like “I’m willing to learn. I’m willing to grow. I’m willing to change. I’m willing to become a better coach. I’m willing. I’m willing. I’m willing. I’m willing.” And if you are not willing to continue to learn, to grow, to shift, to change then you will not be of service, of support, of help, of guidance, of Mentor, of Coach that you could be.
In fact, you’re probably going to end up losing clients because you’re not alive with the work. So let’s go to that nosy part. Like I said a minute ago. Nosy if you’re a natural helper, a natural cheerleader, a natural supporter. Nosy can feel uncomfortable. It can feel like you’re being nosy. Like “Who am I to ask that question? I shouldn’t ask them when was the last time they had sex. I shouldn’t ask them how much money they make. Oh, my God, that’s none of my business.” If they want to change their money, it is your business. If they want to change their sex life, it is your business. They’re coming to you and saying, “I need help.”
Now, when a client comes to you and says, “I need help.” You must have the courage to ask the questions that are going to give them the courage to shift, to change, to grow. If somebody comes to you and says I need help. Like, let’s say somebody’s car broke down. “My car has broken down.” You’re not going to say, “Well, just push it, it’s going to be good. You’re going to do great.” No, you’re going to say, “What’s wrong with your car, is it the tire? Is it the carburetor? Is it the battery? What is it?” You’re actually going to ask because you need to.
You bring your car to the mechanic and they don’t say, “Fix the car,” and you say, “Great.” You probably say, “Well, what was wrong with it? Was it the carburetor? Was it the battery?” It’s the same thing with a Coach. Now again, I want to go back to nosy. If you’re a natural people-pleaser, if you’re a highly sensitive person, and if you’re an empath…It can feel like you’re being nosy.
So I want you to be willing to recognize that when you’re feeling nosy, that is your fear at play and is not reality. Remember the car? Going to fix the car, car mechanic, you bring the car over. You ask the car mechanic what was wrong, the same thing with the client. The client is like, “Help me triple my income. Help me with my sex life. Help me increase my health and wellness. Help me increase my money.”
Again whatever they’re coming to you for… Help me build my business, and you’ve got to have courage and the willingness to ask whatever needs to be asked. And if you think it’s nosy, that’s your stuff, not theirs. It’s your stuff, not theirs. It’s your stuff, not theirs. And your stuff will always stop you from being the Coach that you need to be. I find this over and over again when I’m talking to Coaches. They continuously feel like things are none of their business. I’m going to tell you right now if the topic is at hand, it’s your business. This is the other thing I want to tell you.
One of the things that I’ve recognized through the years and I’ve been a coach for over two decades, 23 years. Going on 23 years is that when a client comes to me for money, business, growth in business, what I really know is that they’re here to heal their love life. To build relationship, to build connection and community.
While another client may come to me because they want to find love, want to get married, want to start dating. They’re coming to me for love, and I know it’s really a power issue. What your clients are coming for aren’t really what they’re coming for. Based on their experience based on their willingness to explore. Based on their openheartedness or open-mindedness, they are going to talk about their subject that they think is relevant.
Your job again is to ask the questions that open up that conversation to really get to the questions that really matter to the topic. Really, that is stopping them. The situation that really is getting in their way. You have got to be willing to follow your intuition. Follow that channel. Follow that moment, and instead of being worried about being nosy or it’s none of your business, you actually have to be willing to say, “They’re coming to me for my support. I must be willing to ask the question that needs to be asked. I must have the courage to ask the question that needs to be asked. I need to be willing to ask the questions that they are afraid to ask themselves.” Does that make sense?
So when I talk about Master Coach Mindset, the Manifesto in line 10, it isn’t being afraid of how much money a client makes, the last time they had sex or any other relevant question. Again, I’m asking you to put your judgment aside, put your “Oh, I can’t do that” aside but instead go “What does my client need?” Not “What I’m comfortable with as a coach?” But what does my client need? When you start thinking from that attitude, you are going to be more open-minded, more open-hearted, more expressive, more willing to ask the questions that are really going to change your clients’ life. And I don’t know about you, but it’s not just ten questions. Again, sadly more coaching programs teach you questions. They give you a hundred questions.
And those hundred questions are the questions you learn how to ask. You don’t necessarily know when to ask them. You don’t necessarily even know how to ask them, you don’t know the situation to ask them. But you’ve got your 100 questions.
Well, those 100 questions become really irrelevant really fast if they don’t apply to the situation at hand and they’re not coming from someplace higher and deeper for you to help your client get to where they need to go. Does that make sense? So no such thing as nosy as a coach. Instead, your job is to ask the question that is going to open your client’s heart. Open their mind, help them express who they’re really meant to be and help them tell themselves the truth. Because when you do that then lives change. How about it? It sounds good.
So I want to answer the question of the day. Every episode I talk about a topic and like I said this first season, Season 01, 13 episodes or the 13 lines of the Master Coach Manifesto. Next season, Season 02, we are going to be talking about coaching skills.
I am going to share the eight coaching skills that I share and train my Coaches. My Fearless Living Life Coach Certification Program™, my Certified Fearless Living Life Coaches. I train them on these eight coaching skills, and you’re going to learn these in Season Two. But we’re still in Season 01, on episode 10, and every episode I share a question that I’ve been asked by a Coach. So I want to share this question:
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
How do I embody the way I want to ask my client questions?
Now, you know I am answering this one today. It goes on to say, “how do I always come from a place of love and nonjudgmental? What if I catch myself sounding judgmental after I’ve already spoken?” That’s a really good question. Like you hear your judgment coming out. Well, the minute you hear your judgment coming out, and you hear yourself say, “Well, that’s not a problem,” or “That shouldn’t be hard.” Let’s put it this way. A lot of coaches think that when you say, “No, that’s not how you can do it.” They think that’s coaching. That’s not coaching.
Telling somebody “You can do it,” when you haven’t asked the question that they prove it to themselves that they can do it. You’re just telling somebody they can do it. It’s easy. Come on. That’s not helpful that is not helpful. Not helpful one bit.
That is not a coach. That’s a cheerleader. Not helpful.
So what do you do? What if I catch myself sounding judgmental after I’ve already spoken? If I hear myself sounding judgmental “Oh, really that’s what you’re planning to do?”
The minute I hear that word come out and go “Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry. I was triggered by something you said.”
I could confess it. I could do that or I could say, “Oh my gosh, can I say that again? Let me start over. That is not what I wanted to say.”
And then I go backward. Then I say it the way that needs to be said in a way that’s most loving and most judgmental. So I have no problem with repeating myself in a way that is supportive and calling myself out.
Again, if I catch myself sounding judgmental after I have already spoken, “Are you sure you really want to do that? Are you sure you really want to do that? Does that sound like a good idea?”
The minute that comes out of your mouth, you go “You know what. I am so sorry. Let me say that again. That is not how I wanted it to come out.”
You own it. You own it. You own it.
And then you repeat yourself in a way that is supportive and nonjudgmental and filled with love as much as you can and then be quiet and let them answer.
So you call yourself out by saying “Oh my gosh, let me do that again.”
So you just say it. No, anguish about it. No, like, ” Oh my God, I can’t believe I said that.”
No anguish, no “Oh, I shouldn’t have done that.” No, forget that. We all do it. All of us are guilty of it. All of us are guilty of it. So we just want to clean up our act right away.
So how do I embody the way I want to ask my client questions? How do I always come from a place of judgment and nonjudgmental and love? Is that internal work?
That’s internal work. I’m reminding myself why am I a Coach and what I’m here to do for my client, with my client to coach them. I’m not here to decide for them what they should do or are they in charge of their life? So one of the things that again we are going to talk about in Season 02 is a concept called innocence, and that’s one of the ways that you ask your clients questions sounding loving and not judgmental is that you actually see your client’s innocence. And again, we’re going to talk a lot about this in Season 02 of Master Coach Mindset.
So seeing their innocence, keeping you separate from them, and truly being of service to them and not getting caught up in what you think, what you want, who you should be. You’re not going to get caught up over here. You’re actually going to be over there. You’re going to be with your client. Your client is the one that is moving everything forward. Your client, you’re listening. You’re attentive. You are there fully and completely with them and where they want to go in life, and you do not judge where they want to go. Instead, you see their innocence. You see you’re innocence. You forgive yourself immediately if you are not the perfect Coach because that’s going to help you stay clear and nonjudgmental.
And I want you to practice saying to yourself “Well, any phrase that you like.”
But if you’re here to serve then maybe you come up with a mantra or something that you say to yourself before every coaching and say, “I’m here to serve. This isn’t about me. This is about them. I’m here to serve, and I’m here to have the courage to ask any question that is on the tip of my tongue because I know if it’s in the tip of my tongue it is not me asking. It is something greater than me asking. It is something that is coming through me to ask. My client’s soul is asking me to ask that question. I’m not thinking about the question. I’m not coming up with the question. They’re asking me through their own soul to my soul, and I then have the courage to ask the question.”
So you must have the courage to ask the questions. Instead of thinking that you have to come up with the question, the perfect question, make sure the question is perfect. No. You must be willing to ask the question that are moving through you and when you see your client in innocence. When you see your own innocence. It will be very easy to see them through loving eyes. And it will be very easy to be nonjudgmental. Does that make sense?
So I think the Tip of the Day. I think I want to give you this tip today. It’s that when you truly are being of service. Tip of the Day: When you are really truly here to help, you must have the courage to listen to what’s moving through you and ask the question whether or not you know the reason you’re asking. Whether it makes sense to ask it. Whether you’re like going, Where is that question coming from? When you doubt that you shouldn’t ask that question.
Again, one of the things that people tell me is like, “Rhonda you’re a psychic. How can you get me so ahead of a client?” I’ll just say that one of my clients hired me for six sessions in the beginning. She just hired me for six sessions, which is fine. I’m good with that, and she told me every single session that we had.
She goes “I’d rather pay you,” the amount she’s paying me for six sessions, “because in six sessions working with you is like 20 or 30 with my previous coaches.” And she worked with some of the best coaches in the country. Let’s just say she is a CEO of a corporation and she makes a heck of a lot of money, and so she hangs out with the top coaches of the world.
She hired me after she met me at an event and she kept saying to me “You get me further faster than any Coach I’ve ever worked with. I’d rather pay you double, triple, quadruple of what I pay any other Coach. Because I get further and faster with you.”
And it’s because, and I do believe this, it’s because one I’m not afraid to be nosy. I’m not afraid to be nosy. Because I’m willing to follow my intuition and ask the question that needs to be asked that’s coming through the tip of my tongue. I don’t question it. I don’t doubt it. I don’t make up in my mind whether it’s the right question or not. I literally let it flow and ask it. And sometimes I literally I don’t know why I’m asking it.
I have no clue. Sometimes it seems completely irrelevant to the topic at hand and it always 99.9999% of the time is the perfect question to move my client to the next spot. My client was stuck in those six sessions, and then again she hired me for further sessions. But these first six sessions she hired me for something in particular and we literally solved it within two sessions. Boom done. Done. And then we went on another thing and again, one session. Boom done.
And she said, “You make me feel things that I’ve never been able to feel, and you make me come to grips with things, and you make me see things that no one has ever made me see.”
And again, it doesn’t have to take long. It takes your willingness. It takes your willingness to follow that intuition and not censor it through nosy. Censor it through people pleasing. Censor it through “this doesn’t make sense.” Censor it through your thinking. Instead, you get to actually follow your intuition. You get to follow that thing that is bigger and greater than you. That their soul is talking to your soul and you don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense to you. It feels nosy. Like again, it feels nosy. But ask it anyway.
I’m telling you if you start trusting yourself as a coach, you’re coaching will improve not just one-fold. Not just two-fold. But 10-fold and your confidence will increase, and you will leave a session. Sometimes I leave a session when I have no idea what just happened. Like sometimes I do that. I’m like, “What just happened?” Well, I know what happened. It doesn’t matter what happened for me. It only matters what happens for my client. Does it make sense?
The Tip of the Day is for you to put aside nosy.
Be willing to feel uncomfortable and in that uncomfortableness ask the question that is moving through you, whether it applies or not. And again, you might feel uncomfortable. You might feel nosy. You might feel like who am I to do that but ask anyway.
Does it make sense? So next time we are going to be talking about 11, Master Coach Manifesto line 11. Next time we’re going to be talking about “a Master Coach listens beyond words and asks layered upon layered questions to get to the heart of the matter working within the flow of what’s happening now.”
Next time we’re going to talk about layering questions. And that is an advanced skill. I’m really excited to be talking about layering questions because that as I said is such an advanced skill. If you have not again, listened to the entire manifesto please go to episode 00 and remember the last episode if you haven’t heard it is all about speaking to the client’s innocence. In episode 09, I actually talked about innocence. Go back if innocence really resonated with you today. Make sure you go back to episode 09 and listen to that one.
Always remember that the Fearbuster Coaching™ Toolkit is free to you and available to you right now. If you want to learn how to open a session, and how I open a session, and how I trained my Coaches to open a session, and how I train my Coaches on how I close a session, and also a copy of the Master Coach Manifesto. In the opening and closing there is a video to explain it to you plus worksheets. That you can create your own opening and closing using mine as a template. , I created a worksheet a step by step for you in order to come up with a way to really open and close in an impactful and powerful way. I do believe that clients stay with you longer based on how you open and close a session.
So if your clients are not staying with you a year, two years, three years then I would dare say you probably need to clean up your opening and closing sessions. That is free to you. Go over to MasterCoachMindset.com go on over there and right there on the homepage, you’re going to see the Fearbuster Coaching Toolkit. You just have to put your email address in, and we will give you access to the opening videos, the closing videos, and the step by step template. So that you can see my opening and closing, but more importantly create your own opening and closing step by step. You can follow this time and time again, and it will give your session clarity, consistency. Your clients will feel heard and supported and you’re going to learn some tricks that I use in order to really close a session powerfully.
Go on over to MasterCoachMindset.com and grab the free Fearbuster Coaching Toolkit. While you’re over there, check out Membership because when you become a member of MasterCoachMindset.com, you actually get a worksheet for every single session. So today’s session, there will be a worksheet for you to do and sometimes it’s a template to work with your clients. Sometimes it’s for your own personal use. And of course, once you use it personally, you can use it with your clients. But just know that if you become a member then every single solitary episode I personally create a worksheet just for you to use in order to embody everything that I’m teaching you today.
So go on over to MasterCoachMindset.com, grab the Fearbuster Coaching Toolkit. First of all, grab that it’s for free and then you’ll be guided to the next page which will tell you all about membership and remember the membership includes a worksheet that I create just for you. It also creates a beautiful PDF of the transcript. So that you have something at you can actually print out and out into a three ring binder or put on your computer and keep. So that you have it for the rest of your life and I would take that transcript and I would actually highlight it and put notes next to it. So that you are actually creating your own Fearless Coaching book of tools and skills and tools.
That is the benefit of becoming a member. Hopefully, you’ll become a member with us today. So again, MasterCoachMindset.com MasterCoachMindset.com. So remember I’m here to support you in becoming the best Coach you can be. I’m going to take you if you’re a beginning Coach. I want to take you from beginner to good. Good to great. Too great to master. Because I want you to have the most impact, the most influence, the most confidence. I want you to have the business that you desire. I believe that having the business you desire isn’t just about knowing how much money to ask. But really having the confidence in your own skills so that when somebody asks you what you do, you’re like, “Yeah. I kick ass. Let me tell you a couple of clients stories.”
Like you aren’t afraid to stand for yourself. So many people think “Oh, my business isn’t growing because I don’t charge enough,” or “My business isn’t growing because I need to have a website.” All those things are nice and important too. But all of that stems from your confidence as a Coach. So listen every week to MasterCoachMindset.com and your confidence as a Coach will grow and grow and grow. I look forward to seeing you next week.